Better late than never
I identify as a donut
I’ve been on social media a lot more in the last six months, mostly because I found myself in a void, needing new sources of attention and validation, a fresh antidote to feeling isolated. And yes there are healthier ways to seek these things, and sometimes those are the routes I take. Sometimes I am not taking any routes, I am just sitting in my chair being a glazed donut of a human.
It feels so good when I remember that’s okay. I don’t have to feel bad about everything. Being perfect was never a prerequisite to peace or self-acceptance.
There are small cycles and big cycles. I know myself well enough to know what I come back to, most of the time. I’m okay with my equilibrium. It tilts this way and that, but it never tilts all the way over. The center can hold.
Or maybe it can’t. Maybe things fall apart, and the center cannot hold, and it’s tumultuous but not apocalyptic.
There’s this option I like to call forming a new center.
It does create vast periods of disorientation, mood swings, behavior swings, lots of swinging and flailing. When you’re in the middle it seems chaotic, and mostly it is, but there’s something else going on too. Disorientation is the feeling you have before you get oriented.
I guess I’m just saying that the water’s still rough and the ship’s still leaky but I’m getting my sea legs and I’m gonna be okay. I was always gonna be okay, but I can feel it now.