“People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that’s bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they’re afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they’re wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It’s all in how you carry it. That’s what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.”
Sometimes I feel so strong and capable and other times I feel so fragile, so uncertain, so certain of my own inadequacy and failure.
That's when I am most lonely. I crave comfort. I know I'll come back around to confidence and choice and strength. I live there more and more of the time.
But when I swing to the other side of the pendulum I just want to be held and reminded of goodness and relieved of my watchfulness for a time. It's hard to live without that.
We pay such high prices, no matter what we choose.
The dark nights of the soul come and go. So far I’ve lived through every one.
We pay such high prices, no matter what we choose. Pain is part of every equation. The important thing is to choose something worth the price. What is the return on my effort? What am I purchasing with my pain?